I was having a conversation with my sister recently about the expectations of how you will feel when you first have a baby. You hear stories, or see in the movies, that once that baby is born, a mother exclaiming how in love she is. I don't doubt that this happens to some women, but for me, it just wasn't the case. Of course, I loved my child, but I was not in love immediately. To me, like any relationship--though obviously this one is unique--these things take time.
It turns out "mom guilt" happens pretty quickly after giving birth. You start to question if you're the only one who feels this way, the only one who mourns her old life just a little, the only one who would cut off her right arm for more than two hours of sleep. People ask you, "Don't you just love it?" "Isn't it amazing?" Of course it's amazing! This little being who grew and lived inside me for so long was finally here, it's unbelievably amazing. Why, then, do I not feel this way? Why do I miss being pregnant just a little? After talking with other moms, it seems this can be totally normal. Phew! There is so much to process when a baby is born -- a huge range of emotions. It can take time for things to level out and sleep deprivation can make you feel anything but in love and happy.
It turns out, though, my kid gets cuter and cuter each day. He laughs and giggles and smiles. I know that he loves my husband and I. He's trying to sit up and stand with our assistance. He loves toys and chewing and drools everywhere. He is always trying to put his entire hand in his mouth. He is independent but also cuddly. He is fairly easygoing, like his parents. He is awesome!
Instead of being sad that he is growing, though I'll admit, it's bittersweet putting those tiny clothes away, I'm excited! Each day, I fall more and more in love with him and love him with a love I never knew possible. Yesterday, I asked him, while he was cooing and babbling, "Are you real?!"
I just love getting to know him.
