Getting To Know You

I was having a conversation with my sister recently about the expectations of how you will feel when you first have a baby. You hear stories, or see in the movies, that once that baby is born, a mother exclaiming how in love she is. I don't doubt that this happens to some women, but for me, it just wasn't the case. Of course, I loved my child, but I was not in love immediately. To me, like any relationship--though obviously this one is unique--these things take time.

It turns out "mom guilt" happens pretty quickly after giving birth. You start to question if you're the only one who feels this way, the only one who mourns her old life just a little, the only one who would cut off her right arm for more than two hours of sleep. People ask you, "Don't you just love it?" "Isn't it amazing?" Of course it's amazing! This little being who grew and lived inside me for so long was finally here, it's unbelievably amazing. Why, then, do I not feel this way? Why do I miss being pregnant just a little? After talking with other moms, it seems this can be totally normal. Phew! There is so much to process when a baby is born -- a huge range of emotions. It can take time for things to level out and sleep deprivation can make you feel anything but in love and happy.

It turns out, though, my kid gets cuter and cuter each day. He laughs and giggles and smiles. I know that he loves my husband and I. He's trying to sit up and stand with our assistance. He loves toys and chewing and drools everywhere. He is always trying to put his entire hand in his mouth. He is independent but also cuddly. He is fairly easygoing, like his parents. He is awesome!

Instead of being sad that he is growing, though I'll admit, it's bittersweet putting those tiny clothes away, I'm excited! Each day, I fall more and more in love with him and love him with a love I never knew possible. Yesterday, I asked him, while he was cooing and babbling, "Are you real?!"

I just love getting to know him.

That Mom

Well, it's official. I'm one of "those" moms. I inundate my Facebook wall with photos and videos of this little, drooling 12-pound squish face. I talk about him any chance I get. I even go so far as offering more details of my birth story than most care to hear about. The thought of getting a tattoo with his name immediately crossed my mind. I get more excited about buying a toy or a new bottle or a cute outfit for him than pretty much anything else. I don't care anymore. I will deny myself anything and everything for this little guy. Also, he laughed at me today, so he gets what he wants from now until forever.

Survival

(originally posted March 2012)

I must have gone through 20+ episodes of the show, “I Shouldn’t Be Alive” in the past couple of weeks. I think it’s because I feel like I’ve been dropped in a jungle, with minimal survival skills, little food, and no sleep. And by “jungle” I mean, parenthood.

You may or may not know this, but they make you go through a series of hoops in the hospital after the baby is born. You need to satisfactorily show the staff that you are, indeed, somewhat capable of taking care of a child. There is zero rest to be had. Once you pass their tests, they cut you loose. And that’s it. Next thing you know, you’re home and attempting to figure out this child’s needs all on your own.

Sure, I’ve not been left for dead on Mount Everest, nor have I had to spend a month navigating the Amazon while battling starvation and malaria, but I do have to force myself out of bed every couple of hours, deny myself showers to take advantage of a nap, and feel somewhat like a hostage in my own home. Heck, brushing my teeth and eating something substantial I consider a luxury right now.

The good news is, my son is really cute, and he’s only going to be this little for a short time. I also try and think of it from his perspective - it sucks! He had a great thing going for 39 weeks, and now, he has to learn how to eat, manage sleep without feeling like he’s falling, and get his temperature taken rectally.

I might feel like we’ve been dropped into a jungle, but we’re figuring it out, and it helps to have a really great husband, who’s turning into a really great father.